By Matt Knox
Sympathy is a one-sided feeling most of the time. There is no instant gratification involved, except that you may manage to ease someone’s pain for a short time. In the end, they must overcome it themselves. You may not receive a thank you until months or years later when that sadness has finally ebbed and what you have done becomes more obvious. It may not even come in the form of words. Eventually, you may be in that same situation, and I have no doubt that person will be there for you just the same.
Sympathy is an agreement in feeling. An attempt, no matter how futile, to understand what another is feeling; whether be it pain, sadness or any other emotion. Sympathy is most often associated with sadness because it is at those times that we feel we need others the most. And if you are there during those times it is all the more recognized. It always seems to me that people say someone is a true friend when they stick with you through the tough times. This makes me wonder what all of the other times are really worth. Shouldn’t they be worth more? Shouldn’t it be worth just as much that day after day they have made you laugh? I would much rather measure the worth of a friend by all of the good times we have together. Just remember that a friendship based solely on sympathy can never work. There is a point where that friendship will change into more of a relationship like doctor and patient, and it will be hard to get out of. It will be those days when you’re finally starting to feel better, but people can’t stop asking you how you feel. They don’t know what else to talk about around you. It’s important to break that bubble. Tell them to stop walking on eggshells as if any wrong word could toss you back into the hole you spent so long climbing out of.
I’ve found, through personal experience, that when it comes to helping someone through a tough time it’s best just to let silence reign. They most likely don’t want you to analyze what they say and offer your opinion. If they want advice they will ask for it. Telling you a story, or how they feel, is not permission to break out the Dr. Phil mode. They certainly don’t want a story of the time that the same thing happened to you. How could that ever be sympathy? That’s just a disgusting game of one-up-manship. You will show how much you care just by sitting there and listening, hugging them when they need it and letting them know that you will be there for as long as you’re needed.