By Acadia Otlowski
Over the summer I made one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make in my life. I broke up with my boyfriend of three years in early August.
This may seem like an overly personal choice for my first column, but I have taken from this choice a valuable life lesson: do what your gut says, it’s rarely wrong.
I met my last boyfriend at 17, and we started dating when I was 18, the week I began college. I grew up with him. Since my freshman year, I have transformed from a shy, introverted teenager to a confident adult, a leader.
I have traveled to multiple countries and cities across the United States. Every time I did, I knew he would be at home waiting for me. I was constantly leaving him behind.
For a while, it seemed like it would work. But the further I ventured, the harder things were. I became distant, wrapped up with wild plans for the future. He desperately tried to bring me back closer to him and with that came his insecurities. He became accusatory; so I pulled even further away as I tried to reconcile the life he wanted with the life I craved.
He was ready to settle down, and for me at the age of 20, that was nowhere on my radar. I realized on a short trip to New York that there was no way we could ever reconcile these dreams. Someone would always be disappointed.
We had become comfortable in our lives with one another, something that I think was part of the issue.
The break up was painful; there were a lot of tears.
And just a few days after, I was still unsure if I had done the right thing. I was missing the person to whom I had once told everything, who checked in on me. I was missing the routine that had defined a large part of the past three years of my life.
But I realized, by closing that chapter in my life, a new one had opened. I didn’t have to constantly check my phone so I could reply to a concerned text inquiring my whereabouts. I didn’t have to commit my free time to anything in particular, whereas before I would commit any free time to hanging out with him.
It has made my life more relaxing and freer.
Before I had felt trapped by whatever job he had and whatever state we lived in. Now, the world is at my fingertips.
It was a terrifying choice to make, but in the end it was what needed to happen. Life is filled with these choices that feel almost insurmountable.
But it is these challenging choices that shape one’s life. Avoiding changes when circumstances make us unhappy is what causes us to feel stuck.
At risk of sounding too cliché, I urge you to make that choice that scares you, that takes you out of your comfort zone — being comfortable and living your life in a way that excites you do not go hand in hand.
This is a new chapter to my story. Will you dare to open yours?